The Last House on the Left is pretty much your average thriller directed by the famous horror master Wes Craven. The plot is an interesting one, but a little strange. The story follows Mari, a champion swimmer, and her two loving parents, one a doctor and the other owns the BEST. TOP. EVER. Seriously, we love her top in this movie and whenever she was on screen it was the only thing we noticed. Anyway, the three of them go on vacation together to their secluded summer home, their first vacation since the death of Mari's brother, Ben. Mari runs off with the car, leaving her mother furious and her father strangely calm as to the fact that their daughter, only 17 years old, just ran off with the car. Mari meets up with her friend Paige, a slut and pothead, who convinces Mari to take part in the sluttery and potheaddery with her. They meet a guy who offers them pot, and Paige's eyes light up. They run off with him, and before they know it, they're being raped and killed. Remember kids, pot is illegal and wrong.
Long story short (too late), the murderers look for shelter and end up at Mari's summer home, where her parents take them in. Not much longer after that, Mari finds her way home seven-eighths dead and her parents discover the people in their guest house raped and tried to kill their daughter. Mom and Dad, in a fiery rage of passion, forget to dial 911 on their cellphones and decide to get revenge on their houseguests.
The plot got us into the movie, but after a while we just couldn't take it anymore. Why the hell were these two civilized people running around killing people for revenge. Didn't their parents tell them not to stoop to other people's levels? And don't anybody dare say that it was a "act of passion" because that is CRAP. They own phones. They can call the police, the SWAT team, the NATIONAL GUARD, anyone - but no, they took matters into their own hands. And frankly, there's not too much to be scared by here. In most slasher/thriller films, the audience is left not knowing what will happen to the protagonist. "Who's chasing them?" "What if they're waiting for them in that dark room over there?" "DON'T GO UPSTAIRS YOU'LL GET CAUGHT!" All of these ideas that come into the audience's head when watching this kind of movie go out the window for this particular film because we know where the killers are at all times. We also know that the prey has no chance of survival, so where's the suspense? Instead, we're pretty much watching torture and chase scenes, not unlike Saw or Hostel.
And Wes Craven, holy crap, stop pretending you're some creative artsy dumbass. Starting the movie with different views of tree bark for like three minutes is not very interesting. Just please, make a horror film, not an art film. So many little scenes were unnecessary and it just was ridiculous to go from a suspenseful chase scene to watching Sara Paxton get dressed. Seriously. Come on. It's hot, but this is not late-night cable porn.
In any case, we were kept entertained by the film in general. It was a good mix of drama and horror, and it was pretty well done. It serves up gore, but it also serves up some suspense, so it should please horror fans of all types. The performances were pretty good, especially Sara Paxton. We really thought she was getting raped because that scene was BRUTAL. Marielle couldn't help but feel she was being raped vicariously through Sara.
Corey's Rating:
- Would I watch this again? No. But it is definitely Friday-night-out thriller material.
Marielle's Rating:
- I don't know why, but this is one of the funniest horror movies I've seen.
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